It’s 11 pm on Friday night. I just arrived home from dinner with an amazing man. We went to Simbal in Little Tokyo. It’s been about a week since I submitted my applications to business school and had a break up. My friends convinced me to apply to MIT Sloan and so I am going to by this Sunday.
Emotions have been off the charts, I have felt so low. The breakup was hard and I had to cry a lot. I was mad at myself. I punched my bed. I’ve never been one to punch anything. I had dreams of him. But I have also never felt as happy and whole in my life.
I have continued my moment of stillness this year and am still off the grid. It’s been pure reflection.
So this man I just had dinner with is fascinating, he has a story. I believe that I can understand his suffering and pain because I have felt his deep, gut wrenching pain myself. Anyway, this dinner was totally unexpected. My original Friday evening plans fell through. They were to be dinner with a restaurant owner who donated to one of the fundraisers I led last year. He is such a cool guy. So this man (J) asked what I was doing this weekend and I listed my plans and told him that my dinner plans had just been cancelled for the evening and he said let me take you out to dinner. I was surprised. I said yes! Atomic living yo, look it up.
J used to be a journalist in his country of origin. He is a poet, I am the quant. He said that what makes a good writer is a critical mind and a heart. Emotion, sensitivity. I told him that I started to write entries and he asked to read them. I said no.
J, makes me feel so comfortable. He is also damn good looking, sexy and dresses well. I like J. I didn’t know I liked him. With him I felt that I was in the company of someone who understood the real me. I think it’s really important for me to be with someone whose understanding derives from personal real experiences than from simply a feeling of empathy. I may be wrong on this but so far, the data I’ve gathered from my personal love life indicates this is true for me.
J said that he loved that I was so feminine and the way I dressed. He said that I was special. He told the waitress “I really like this girl.” It was such a fun dinner. Our cultural backgrounds are so different. He is Middle Eastern and I am Latin. But I can tell that he is very open minded. He tried octopus with me for the first time. The guy is dope.
All this is to say that, that feeling of frustration that I constantly had when I was with my ex was my internal alarm telling me to remove myself from him. J’s company feels very comforting. I remember my first dinner with my Ex. I wasn’t impressed. I was annoyed at some of the things he had said.
Mike, a friend of my good friend K told me: “good for you for owning your space” when I told him that I didn’t feel adored by my Ex and I knew I deserved to be. K lives in New York for now and is an angel. She constantly calls me to tell me that she loves me so much. I aspire to be as expressive and lovable as K. She radiates real love and kindness and is full of compliments for whomever she meets. That woman is true to herself.
Gotta go to sleep. I am going to wake up early and get started on my MIT application and then go to a workout class with a girl from work. She’s really cool too and I am excited for our new friendship.
Just to keep you up on my readings; I am reading this book about metaphors, titled: I is the Other. It is so interesting. It mentions that we use a metaphor for every 15 words we use.
Maybe I will get back on this platform later this week. Maybe I will see you next Friday. I am also starting a Business Finance course so I am going to be busy.